wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
