You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
