I wish I only lived at night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
