True but thats because hes a fetus.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
