Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm always down for nudity.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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