I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
