She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
