Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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