We're like a lot better than the average bears
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was confusing and full of hummus
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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