I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
