it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
