What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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