His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
