well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She bit a glass in half.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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