you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
