I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
