Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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