The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
