very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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