I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
