So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
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