I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
