From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave