Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.