Texts From Last Night

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

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  (574): its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes. http://tfl.nu/wfzo
  Replies (68) Good night (3763) Bad night (1985)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.

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  (315): Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/1db0
  Replies (21) Good night (1812) Bad night (4293)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.

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  (214): Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle. http://tfl.nu/7j8g
  Replies (4) Good night (2760) Bad night (1028)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.

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  (910): NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state. http://tfl.nu/dlad
  Replies (40) Good night (1121) Bad night (3475)
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  (716): View more from New York

  my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

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  (716): my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in? http://tfl.nu/3561
  Replies (18) Good night (6212) Bad night (1444)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.

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  (+44): If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse. http://tfl.nu/1ru8
  Replies (6) Good night (1457) Bad night (2257)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I miss high conversations.

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Swinging. Is. Amazing.

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  (270): I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high. (1-270): I miss high conversations. (270): Swinging. Is. Amazing. http://tfl.nu/qk9i
  Replies (5) Good night (2330) Bad night (1427)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.

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  (513): This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last. http://tfl.nu/vgx8
  Replies (8) Good night (3393) Bad night (878)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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  (704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1745) Bad night (631)
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  (347): View more from New York

  maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

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  (347): maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life http://tfl.nu/rmnc
  Replies (4) Good night (522) Bad night (1025)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?

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  (720): The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer? http://tfl.nu/dm5m
  Replies (8) Good night (570) Bad night (843)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.

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  (513): I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old. http://tfl.nu/lqlu
  Replies (6) Good night (483) Bad night (840)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"

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  (701): You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to" http://tfl.nu/m0ec
  Replies (0) Good night (1317) Bad night (418)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.

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  (617): Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea. http://tfl.nu/cuto
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (629)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer

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  (860): Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer http://tfl.nu/4t5t
  Replies (2) Good night (311) Bad night (568)

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