I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.