i jhust puked up my retainher.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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