Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
