so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As shirtless as possible
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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