When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
