The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
