That's when you crack a 10am beer
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
