Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
