Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
