I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
