She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Your cock deserves a montage
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
