So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
