I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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