If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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