my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
