yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
