i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
