you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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