so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
