i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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