help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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