You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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