I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
