I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
