what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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