fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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