she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
