i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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