I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
