I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize