oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize