Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
