Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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