I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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