On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
