So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
