You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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