erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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