ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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