You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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