it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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