I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
