You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
