Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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