When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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