does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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