WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
