The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
