He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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