when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
