i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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