You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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