Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
